Today we’d like to introduce you to Cat (Catie) Grisanti
Hi Cat (Catie), thanks for joining us today. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
I’m so terrible at writing about myself. I can write about just about anything else.
I grew up poor in Frayser. I didn’t know we were poor though. I had no indications that we were struggling. I had a wonderful, fun childhood. My mother was a strapped, single mother and a nurse. She worked all the time to make ends meet. She was also very creative in ways to make our lives easier. She grew a lajrge vegetable garden in the backyard and sewed alot of our clothes and Halloween costumes. A very intelligent and hard working woman. Not so much with the emotional connection though, sadly. She had been thru alot and became closed off as a result. My brother and I mostly grew up at my neighbor/babysitter’s home. We all had it rough in my neighborhood, but we didn’t know it.
My brother and I both ended up being jocks for a long time. I was a cheerleader (which I loved and miss), took gymnastics, dance, played softball, volleyball, etc. I was surprisingly really at good at most of them. Volleyball not so much.
When I was 9 or 10 my first stepfather entered the picture. He was a former Marine that had been to Vietnam. He was mentally ill and extremely abusive. I became his favorite target from 9 ish til I was 16 when I left home. He then moved on to abusing my mother after I left. His hatred of women was overwhelming.
In between that time I had a near fatal car accident that sent me face first thru the windshield of a Hyundai, and then back thru. I wasn’t wearing a seat belt and went from the middle of the backseat, up and over the driver (injuring her in the process), thru the windshield. The going thru isn’t the worst part, really. It’s the coming back thru. It’s safety glass, so it holds its shape and you never come back in the exact same way you went thru. Because of that, my face was….well there was a mess of deep lacerations. Severed my optic nerve and the large artery near it. I had alot of stitches and almost 10 years of reconstructive and plastic surgeries to minimize the damage.
After fleeing my home at 16 to escape my stepfather, I moved in with my biological father in Colorado. Another one of my bright ideas. Unfortunately he’s a pathological liar and an alcoholic. He drank every dime we had and after a failed living situation with his girlfriend (also an alcoholic), we left Colorado in the middle of the night during a blizzard.
We came back to Memphis and lived with a couple of his friends for a few months. One day my father got up and went to work and just never returned.
I bounced around for a few years, had a couple of relationships, a few jobs, partied ALOT. During this time I developed a toxic relationship with drugs and alcohol. I never stopped and dealt with any of the trauma from the car accident, my father, my stepfather, etc and it had started to just become too much to carry. So I fell into every escape I could find. Sex, drugs, alcohol, self harming…anything to feel anything other than the trauma and pain..
My addiction controlled every aspect of my life. I planned every single day around it for almost 10 years. I spent those years running from every problem, every bad memory, everything that had ever hurt me. Self harm was the order of the day every day. My drug of choice was just more. More of whatever I could get my hands on. I started getting arrested pretty regularly. Various charges that were usually small misdemeanors. It’s a miracle that I’m not just a Jane Doe body found in a ditch somewhere clutching a bottle of blue top with a pocket full of pills.
At some point while I was hotel hopping I met a group of women that later became my charge partners. About 6 months later I was locked up in Desoto County looking at a possible 15 years. I also had warrants in 2 other states and 3 other counties. I spent almost a year in Mississippi. I then did another 4 ish months in Shelby County among other short stays in Crittenden and Tipton counties.
Somehow I managed to walk away with long term probationary terms and a ton of restitution to pay.
Spending this extended period of time in jail saved my life. Jail saved me. I wasted away not knowing what I was going to do to fix my life, just that I didn’t want to do this anymore. Sick and tired of being sick and tired is what you’ll hear alot of the recovery community say.
A woman in a recovery program that used to visit the jail took me into her home. Her name was Rachel, and if I ever see her again I will probably cry and tell her how much she effected the rest of my life. She took me into her home, with her family, nit knowing anything about me other than the fact that I called her crying from jail when they released me. I was scared I would go out and get drunk and she never hesitated. She let me stay with her a day and she found someone willing to take me in.
I decided that I wanted to be kind and generous just like her.
From then on I tried to be as helpful, kind, and loving as I could be to people that society sees as “less than”. Addicts, the homeless, the mentally ill.
My life wasn’t all rainbows and kittens after that. But in alot of ways it was easier to deal with. I went to therapy, I got on meds for the laundry list of mental illnesses I had acquired over the years.
I met a man and got married and divorced in my mid twenties. I started an animal rescue and went bankrupt. All of this happened in the span of a couple years. Once again, I was broken in pieces. Losing the rescue just about took me out. I still volunteered and helped animal rescuers in the community for a few years, but quickly succumbed to compassion fatigue.
In the midst of my divorce and losing my rescue gained several blessings that have changed my life. I met my best friend of almost 15 years now when she adopted a dog from me and later moved in after her living situation went sour. I also became pregnant during this time.
I had suffered 3 miscarriages in my early 20s and assumed that I couldn’t have children. I was very vigilant about my birth control because I didn’t want to go thru it again. I was convinced from the start that the Universe wouldn’t let me have this baby. On top of being pregnant I was homeless twice. My life during my whole pregnancy was a rollercoaster. I moved 4 times, I was homeless with my 3 dogs begging on the side of the road in Lafayette, Georgia at one point.
But I just kept going. I just put my head down and kept pushing thru. I made it back to Memphis and some friends I met thru rescue took me in and helped me thru my pregnancy and the birth of my child. (Shout out to Adam and Kristi Jeffrey at Imagine Vegan Cafe. They’re amazing!) They gave me a soft place to land and get my shit together.
Unfortunately, when my daughter was about 8 or 9 months I met a man and moved in with him. He became extremely abusive and controlling. He abused me in every way he could think of. He was a former Marine (see a pattern?), so every time he was arrested and charged with domestic violence, the courts let him walk with court ordered therapy or probation. It was a very long 4 years. The abuse pushed me back into my addiction after 7 years of sobriety.
Around 4th of July, 6 years ago, I had a moment of clarity and realized what I was subjecting my child to. Luckily, he never abused her. He adored her. But in her core, formative years she watched me be ruthlessly abused and bullied. It has had a profound effect on her, even though she has no memory of him. It’s something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I carry the weight of her pain and mental illness every minute of everyday. I will always carry it as a reminder that she deserves the best life that I can give her and to be a better example for her.
After that abusive situation ended and I had protective orders in place for me and my child, I had to set about figuring out how the hell I was going to get my life together. My ex had never allowed me to work, so now I had a huge gap in my work experience.
My last name carries some weight in restaurant industry here, because of the incredible amount of hard work and talent of my uncles, Johnny, Ronnie, and Frank. So, I started dropping my resume at all the restaurants in the area. I landed a job pretty quickly at a wood fired, artisan pizza place in midtown. I loved that place! Oh I miss Elemento and the staff more than I have ever missed any job in my life. One of the owners, Justin Dorroh, was the best boss I’ve ever had. Unfortunately due to some…let’s say creative differences..Elemento closed. I turned off the light the night we closed and it broke my heart into a million pieces.
Luckily an old friend gave me a heads up about the job I have now. I worked my way up to manager of the shop that I work in now. But the price gouging is killing us. I can barely afford food, but am told I make too much for food stamps. So we survive on the bare minimum while we wait for the economy to crash again.
Ugh. I wrote you a book. But I tell you all this for a reason.
I think what has made me who I am now is adversity. The things I’ve written here barely scratch the surface of the things I’ve been thru and survived. As an addict I’ve lived in hell and survived. As a domestic violence survivor 3 times (I didn’t want to burden you with the drunken tales of my other abusive ex), I’ve lived thru miscarriages and an abortion, a very difficult birth with my child, mental illness that runs rampant in me, my child, and my entire family, lack of support from any of my blood relatives, leaving home at 16……I’ve survived it all. And at times I not only survived, I thrived. I learned to adapt to any situation I am in. I have learned to have a an.open mind and open heart. I have learned to be receptive to learning and growing in my point of view and opinions.
I think that while I had to learn every damn thing the hard way and made so, so many bad decisions, it helped me develop a moral compass that I am proud of, an impressive work ethic, a strong, giving, and, compassionate heart, and one hell of a dark, hilarious, sense of humor. I’m a lover and fighter. Brash, loud, cuss like a damn sailor, but will give you the shoes off of my feet if you need them. I will swing in a heartbeat over the people and animals that I love. I will burn the bridge I’m standing on to save my peace. I become more and more radical the older I get, but against my better judgment I also become more loving and soft every year as well. I suppose I’m a mixture of the darkest parts of my trauma, and of the most light, loving moments in my life as well.
Sorry for the novel. I’m terrible at writing about myself so I just end up word vomiting all over people. It’s embarrassing really.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Whew…it’s been a rough road almost the whole way thru 🤣.
I’ve struggled with mental illnesses that include C-PTSD, a panic disorder, clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder….I also have several health problems. I have heart failure, liver issues, fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, epilepsy (don’t do drugs, folks)
My relationships with my father and mother have been very tumultuous over the years. I’ve had to cut my father out of my life completely after many many years of trying to have a non toxic connection with him. My father’s family doesn’t approve of me. My criminal record, piercings, and tattoos don’t fit in with their…image. so, I’m not included.
My car accident was a huge hurdle. I’m still not able to drive. I developed epilepsy from the head trauma. The nightmares about it for years and years were rough.
The domestic violence I’ve suffered at the hands of 3 different men in my life have changed my life dramatically. I haven’t dated in 6 years. I don’t trust myself to see the signs before it’s too late. And I don’t want to traumatize my daughter any further. So, I stay to myself.
Money has been the biggest struggle. I went to trade school and have 2 degrees from it. But because of my criminal record, I’m rarely every given a chance. It took me until I was 30 to get into management. And I excel at it, but that record overshadows all of it. No one wants an employee with money crimes. So, my daughter and I continue to struggle to pay bills and eat. And I despise that my daughter has to struggle. You wanna give your children a better life ya know? It feels like a failure every time you can’t buy food.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I’m sort of a jack of all trades. It serves me well in most jobs.
At the moment I manage a vape shop in Midtown, Create-A-Cig. I’m known for knowing my customers. I know what they want or need. I remember them. I remember their names and their life stories. My sales associates and myself are like the new bartenders. People need a soft place to unload their hardships sometimes and we are happy to listen. I adore my customers. I go out of my way to make sure that the products they need are stocked and that they feel important when they come in. I want them to feel like family. Hell, half of my customers are on my Facebook!
I am also known for knowing what I’m talking about. For being well versed in the products we have and the vape community news. If I don’t have the answers you need I will happily deep dive the internet to find them for you.
I am also known for my makeup. I haven’t had much time lately to do it, but I used to do very elaborate, colorful makeup looks. I painted Disney scenes on my eyes at one point. For a whole year I took requests and did a different makeup look every day.
I suppose I’m also known for being a leader. The ADD and autism that live in my brain matter give me the ability to coordinate chaos very very well. It served me amazingly well managing restaurants and running expo. In fact, I kind of love the chaos of a rush. One of my favorite places in the world is expo on Saturday night, 30 tickets out, in the shit. When everything is clicking just right, there’s nothing better.
I am also the social media manager for the vape shop. I do most of our graphics for our sales and new products. I’ve never been trained to do graphics or anything, I just figured it out on my own and I think they’re pretty good honestly.
What would you say have been one of the most important lessons you’ve learned?
To always keep an open mind and be willing to learn new things. To question everything. To be able to improvise and adapt. And to give love and respect freely until given a reason not to. Live, respect, and kindness is where you start.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/50shadesof_add?igsh=MXFyZDQxaHk0cG4zMA==
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catie.grisanti?mibextid=ZbWKwL
